Gamblin' is for the devil, I just lost five dollars in Texas Hold'em, well actually Ben's five dollars cause he spotted me.  So today was alright I'm not angry I am more or less into a stage were I feel pissed but I'll let it go eventually.  I looked at those pictures again and it made me kinda sad, but I have learned to cope with it.  Also I have learned that keeping yourself helps because as long as your mind is occupied you don't think about the bad stuff.  Hey I made a new friend and his name is Mitchell he is Ben's former lover, he came in from G-town (Gonzales), also Kayla she is cool.  Yeah, but today not much happened other than me and my friends hanging out wasting away.  I wish I could get some sleep, but when I sleep I begin to think and thinking is a bad bad thing.

"To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me."
- Charles William Stubbs

"For there is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so." - William Shakespeare

"Destiny is not a matter of change, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." - William Jennings Bryan

"Hope only prolongs the pain" - Ben

"There is a thin line between optimism and foolishness" - Michael M.

In every heart there is a room/ A sanctuary safe and strong/ To heal the wounds from lovers past/ Until a new one comes along" -   Billy Joel

"The unexamined life is not worth living."  Socrates

Wow its been so long, o'well, I've been keeping a real journal to store my thoughts in to keep my sanity.  Well just call me "mellow yellow", I feel so empty; pictures make me so angry.  Memories, are the worst thing you can ever have, ever.  When I see her I want to break everything in sight, when I talk to her I feel like I'm going to snap, when she bumps into me I want to yell at the top of my lungs and scream out all my pain. (I'm being over dramatic) With all this anger I have I was able to create a "mission statement" to the National Honor Society (hahahhaha) and in this "mission statement" I began to address how corrupt the system is.  That made me feel so much better to call out all the cheats, liars, dinkers, smokers, assholes, whores, ect.........  Some people thought I was brave for doing it others thought I was an idiot and I didn't know what I was talking about, but little brained people couldn't understand the whole point of the speech. 

        Speech           -When an outsider comes to our school and asks the administrators or the principal, "What kind of students do you have at your school?"  The first ones they use for examples are the members of the National Honor Society, why, because we are the "cream of the crop", the "best of the best", the "future of the United States of America".  Why do they call us this, do they call us this just because we knew how to fill up a form, or was it because we are truly leaders amongst the followers that inhabit this school.  But how do they, when I say "they" I mean the board, determine a leader, I mean how can they determine a leader just by a simple piece of paper explaining what a student has done throughout there high school career.  Now when I see a couple of simple sheets of paper that does not tell me much about the person, it just gives me an outline of a person not the full definition.  When we were first inducted into the National Honor Society, at the ceremony the spoke of CHARACTER and how we must have it to be in the National Honor Society, but the thing I would like to know is "how can they determine whether or not who has character just by a piece of paper?"  Little do they know that some, not all, participate in under age drinking, acts of vandalism, degrading others, or even the simple acts of cheating and/or lying, now when I see things like this I don't think these are good signs of character.  Now I don't want to seem like a coward by doing all the accusing and not admitting to my mistakes, because I can honestly say I am not the most perfect person in the world because we all have flaws.  Honestly, how many of you can actually stand up and admitt to your mistakes and take credit for them.  When they chose us to be leaders of this high school, why is it that some of the brightest, talented, most courageous students were not chosen.  Was it because their papers were not filled out enough or did they not have what the board wanted to see?  Now I do realize that this isn't the easiest organization to get into, but how does the board not see that some of the students that did not get in are some of the TRUE leaders of America, maybe because the true leaders have come to realize that they would rather spend their time on more usefull things such as their grades and future plans.  Recently I asked one of these truly gifted minds if it bothered him that he did not get in, and he replied with, "Of course it bothers me that I did not get in, but I think it bothered my parents more because they know I am the 11th seat out of our whole entire class and they didn't pick me because I didn't have enough on my paperwork."  Now when I heard this it made me want to give up my spot in NHS because I knew he was smarter than me and I was in awe that he took it like a man, now that is a true sign of character.  But here comes the truly hard part in NHS choosing the few elite amongst the already future leaders of America, picking the officers.  When doing this we must not make this a popularity contest or else we are doomed to our own immaturity.  When you see these few students who want to lead you, you must look beyond their styles, their looks, their popularity, you must look into what they are going to do for the greater good rather than boost their own resume and help out their own future more than yours or the future of this organization.  Now I am not saying all these people who are up here have those thoughts of only helping themselves, some of them have the most sincere minds and actually want to help.  Also we must not choose our friends just because they have some GOOD ideas or some hopeful plans for the future, because sooner or later we must come to realize that there is a thin line between optimism and foolishness.

"When you loose don't loose the lesson"

"Learn the rules, so you can break them properly."

Open arms to change, but don't let go of your values."

"Home can be any where, as long as there is a loving atmosphere."

Wow it's funny how one day things are perfect and then the next day they go to the dumps.  Wow I really did it this time I was a getting to much and life and then the table turns and everything goes up in flames.  This is how the night went, first I went to my house to get dressed and Ben, Tomas, and I were just hanging out.  Tomas left and I began to think (what if the girl I've been crushin' doesn't like me) and that was the dumbest thing I could possibly do.  Then I go into a deep deep depression and I can't be happy so I take a nap which made things worse I thought even more, so the time came to go pick her up and I didn't say a single word, not even to my friends, well she got into the car and didn't look at her at first she was happy and pretty (everything I wasn't).  Well the night progressed with me being silent then Tomas got hungry for Pop-Tarts, so we went to HEB and we got out of the car.  Well we get out I still haven't said a word, I wanted to get out of her sight so I left the store and waited by the car.  Then I waited, while that was happenin' she began to talk to Tomas and she said that she wasn't as interested in me as she was before(just because i didn't talk as much as I had before) and he told me that later and I got really really really mad. DID YOU HERE THAT All because I didn't talk as much.  Well then we left HEB, went to the mall and realized that maybe I should talk and not be an Asshole, I tried but didn't work to much.  Well it came time for her to go home so I dropped her off, I had something huge to say but I choked and looked really stupid (my speech imparities came up like my studdering and lisp) it was bad now I'm trying to recovery.  PLEASE HELP ME, I'M OPEN FOR SUGGESTIONS. anyone.

"Bitch I don't play games, I kilt a hoe, and I'll do it again" - Tamara Payne

"I slap you so hard, you wish I don't slap you so hard." - Chase-tif-fer

"When you feel like the whole world is against you, it's not;  it's just God" - Ben

"I said it and I meant it." - Tamara Payne

"Life is like my penis, it's hard." - Chase-tif-fer

"Life is like a piece of shit, in the beggining it's wet and molded, but in the end it's brittle and falls apart." - Mike M.

"No expectations, no problems." -Dr. John Becker

 LOOK     "Funny how we set qualifications while we are in the process of finding the right person who is the best for us, when at the back of our minds we know that the one we love will always be an EXCEPTION to the rule..."  - unknown  LOOK

"Never take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive." -Bugs Bunny

"There is nothing to fear, except fear itself." - FDR

What a fabulous mornin'.  Woke up to tacos and about to run them off with a friend.  Geez this has been a pretty decent weekend, not only do I get to go on a THIRD date I also get to hang out with mis amigos.  Its awesome hopefully nothing bad happens, which will propably happen.  Gah lee I have no idea why I am up so early, runnin' on no sleep, tacos, and cranberry juice. (mmmmmm mmmmmm)  Its funny because last night nothing was supposed to go down I decided to call my lady, and its turns out she likes to be around so, I went to pick her up (lookin' hot again) went out to eat (mmmmmm mmmmm) fried pickles and fries o'so good.  During that I left to go get refills and she begins to talk with my chaperones (hahahaha) and they bring up me and she said I got some potential for a good relationship.  Awesome Blossom, well anyways we left then we went to go get the hacksaw's girl and Big T left his keys in the car (ass) we got stuck at the mall for an hour.  I felt so bad for my date.  So tonight is going to be smashin'.  Wish me luck.

"Game on bitch!" - Ben

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
-George W. Bush

"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot." - Charlie Chaplin

"I love power. But it is as an artist that I love it. I love it as a musician loves his violin, to draw out its sounds and chords and harmonies." - Napoleon Bonaparte

"Ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny." - Carl Schurz

"No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness."
- Aristotle

"Your legs are like peanut butter they are o'so easy to spread." - Chase-tif-fer

 Wow whata night, I don't know whether to be enbarrassed or happy because one of my best buds helped me go on a date with a girl I've been crushin'.  The night started with me going to go pick her up and she looked so beautiful, then we went to Comache Hills or something like that, but it was closed.  Then Ben, Tomas (my chaparones) and me took her to our secret park.  It was perfect because that night had a full moon, and it was cool (breezy), I showed her the coolest technique about thinking, we leaned back on the table and just stared at the sky and just talked.  Later Ben's nazi friend called and said he wanted to tag along which pissed me off, but I got over , no worries, then I told her lets go on the trail and talk she seemed to like that.  We began to walk and she started the conversation, talked about how life, friends,  then worst thing came up our past.  First we kinda didn't want to talke about it but I told her my past, I guess she understood that I was being sincere and not just trying to get dirt.  We found some bleachers and began to open up to each other which was absolutely awesome.  Later we left and stayed at the Hacksaw's house and met his little brother's gang, she thought they were funny, we started the night with some gamblin' , which she was horrible at,.  Then Ben's fat friend tryed to take her away from me and started flirting with her, which made me feel like I was goin to beat the life out of him. I could even feel my eye twitching.  Then I took her home walked her to her door, made another date for Saturday and Prom (WOOP WOOP) got a long hug and said "Call you tommorow". And that was my enchanted evening.  Big T is the man with the plan a true playa. 

" Those clothes look very becoming of you, of course, I would becoming if I were on you to"  - Chase tif fer

"Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter." - Kip

" For Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben!!!!"  - The Hacksaw

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man - George Bernard Shaw

"What is patriotism but if only a way to keep the ignorant loyal to a imagenary country" - Mike M